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TORTISM

The Ancient & Eternal Way

In the beginning, there was a tort. And the tort was good. Tortism is not a religion. It is not a philosophy. It is not a lifestyle. It is, however, a website — and that is more than most belief systems can say.

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The Sacred Tenets

As handed down from absolutely no one

Frequently Asked Questions

The Tortist Inquisition

What exactly IS Tortism?
Excellent question. Tortism is the belief that things are happening, slowly, and that this is fine. Beyond that, Tortist scholars are still deliberating. They have been deliberating for several years. Progress is being made.
Is this related to law? Like "tort law"?
No. Please do not seek legal advice from this website. We are not lawyers. We are Tortists. These are very different things, though both involve an alarming amount of paperwork.
Is this a tortoise fan site?
Tortoises are the sacred animal of Tortism, yes. Are they aware of this honor? Unknown. They have not responded to our emails. We assume they are taking their time.
Can I leave Tortism?
You may attempt to leave. However, you are on a website. There is a back button. We cannot stop you. Go in peace, swift one. Know that the tort watches.
Who is Cinna?
Cinna is the Prophet. Cinna is the Way. Cinna is life. More will not be revealed at this time.

Tortism By The Numbers

Verified statistics (unverified)

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Followers
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Tortoises Informed
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Torts Committed
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Regrets

Join The Movement

Or don't. We'll be here either way.

Tortism asks nothing of you except your unwavering spiritual allegiance, a vague appreciation for reptiles, and the willingness to do things at a reasonable pace. That's it. That's the whole thing.